Name: Meredith
Organization: Beth Israel Medical Center Rape Crisis and Domestic Violence Intervention Program
Whenever I tell someone that I am a Rape Crisis Advocate, I generally receive one of two reactions: awe and admiration, or shock and embarrassment. It is alarming that even today there is still such a stigma attached to a topic as widespread as sexual violence. This is one of the reasons that I decided to become an advocate.
I have been working as an advocate for a little over a year. By day, I am an archivist at an arts organization, but find my volunteer work as an advocate to be one of the most important parts of my life. I decided to become an advocate not only because I feel strongly about the issue of ending sexual violence, but also to share my experiences with others in order to raise awareness and help to erase the stigma. I’m always surprised when I realize that people don’t recognize, or care, that sexual violence is happening all around them. I used to get upset about this, and blame the media and our culture for supporting a vulgar relationship with sex, and reinforcing a passive relationship to sexual violence. I’ve realized, though, that getting angry won’t help anybody – doing something positive to affect change will. Becoming an advocate is one of the positive things that I decided to do.
I learned about the opportunity to become an advocate through the New York City Alliance Against Sexual Assault. The program is through Beth Israel Medical Center’s Rape Crisis and Domestic Violence Intervention Program. This department is amazing, and provides services such as counseling, advocacy, and information and referrals. The Rape Crisis program operates out of the Beth Israel location at First Avenue and 16th Street in Manhattan, and serves the surrounding areas. I have learned so much from working with the great people at Beth Israel, and I really can’t imagine going into the emergency room as a survivor of sexual assault without an advocate there, or without access to the type of services that Beth Israel provides. Being an advocate is such an important role, and this is proven every time that I am called into the emergency room.
Though rewarding, being on call is not easy. Even though I have been in the program for quite some time, I still feel anxious in anticipation of being called. I don’t think that feeling will ever go away. There have been periods that I haven’t been called for months at a time, and other times when I am called for every shift. Either way, I am always ready. If I am called, I jump in a car and take it to Beth Israel. Once there, I am briefed by the charge nurse, and pointed in the direction of the survivor, who is generally in the OBGYN room. I introduce myself and explain that I am a volunteer, and I am there to support them. I let them know that I can help to answer any questions they might have. I ask the survivor if they need anything, or if they would like to talk. Sometimes they do, and sometimes they don’t. I never pry if they don’t, but if they do I am there to listen to them and let them know that whatever they have gone through is not their fault, and that they have done the right thing by coming into the emergency room. It is incredible how far those words can go, especially when the survivor is feeling guilty or like they have lost control.
As far as medical care, if the survivor will be having a safe exam, I make sure to inform them of the details, and let them know that I will be there when the exam is complete. The medical exam can be a scary part of their visit to the emergency room, so it helps to let them know what it entails and that it is going to be OK. Another important part of the work is actually advocating on behalf of the survivor, for example to a doctor if the survivor is in pain and needs something, or with the police when the survivor is trying to understand her legal options. As you can imagine, it is a difficult time for the survivor emotionally, and it is also a time when many decisions need to be made as far as medical care and reporting to the police. The advocate being there really helps the survivor with these decisions when he or she might be feeling too upset, exhausted, or confused to understand everything that needs to be done. Once the care in the emergency room is complete, I always make sure that the survivor feels safe enough to go home, or if not, that they have somewhere safe to go. Finally, I let the survivor know that someone from Beth Israel’s program will be contacting them to follow up, and I also leave the survivor with additional information about where they can go for any other follow up care. I always make sure to once again tell the survivor that they did the right thing by coming into the emergency room, that they are on their way to recovery, and that there will be people along the way to help them. I feel it is important to let the survivor know that they are not alone, because it is very easy to feel alone when you have been through something as degrading and isolating as a sexual assault.
One of the pressing issues that I have become more aware of through my work as an advocate is the prevalence of drug and alcohol-related sexual violence. It is not uncommon for the survivors that I see in the emergency room to have little to no recollection of the incident that precipitated their arrival to the hospital, and this leads to feelings of fear, sadness, guilt and helplessness. I always reassure the survivor that the incident was not their fault, and that no matter what the circumstances, no one has a right to treat another human being that way. Witnessing more and more of these cases coming to the emergency room has been an eye-opener, and is an issue that I stay aware of when going out with friends to bars or parties.
It is my hope that some day, we could live in a world free of sexual violence – a world in which people do not want to harm one another, and understand that long lasting emotional pain accompanies a physical attack. For this to be possible, I believe it will take the involvement of government authorities, the media, and each one of us to open discussion and begin to educate one another. Until then, the advocate will continue to play an important role in the recovery process for those affected by sexual violence.
My advice to anyone becoming a volunteer advocate is to be informed, but also to trust your instincts. You can have all of the information in the world, but at the end of the day you are dealing with human nature, which is unpredictable, and you have to be ready to respond in any number of ways. I would encourage anyone to become an advocate. Not only is the job rewarding, but it serves a real purpose and has a lasting impact on the survivor – one that extends beyond the emergency room and into their life. It feels great to know that I can bring compassion and hope at a time when those things may feel very far away.
Ultimately, I feel that an advocate’s work goes beyond case-by-case responsibilities. Through real-world experiences and an intimate understanding of survivor issues, an advocate is in a unique position to begin to break down the silence that insulates most people from an open discussion of sexual violence. Even if the conversation never goes beyond, “I am a Rape Crisis Advocate,” it plants a seed that can grow into new awareness and involvement.
To find out more about becoming a Rape Crisis Advocate for Beth Israel, you can contact Carole Sher at the Beth Israel Rape Crisis Intervention program at (212) 420-4516.
