SAYSO! 2007: Cheryl Connell

At SAYSO! 2007, Cheryl Connell performed the following.

Women get thick- fat -so many different ways
The shelter was the kitchen when I escaped him in my day
While neighbourhood kids chased rainbows
I held fast my shades of grey
When a woman child knows her fate
Truth chases light away

When I was girl
I was touched
And no-
not emotionally
nor symbolically
Nor touched with a sense that showed me
He cared for me
Though my parents did
They weren’t aware of he
Of this man
Of his hands
That strangled my dreams
Before I put pen to paper
I was torn at the seams
Of my own freedom; my reality.

My lifeline became a sneaky past time
Never again will he want something that is mine.
Years passed
Victimization comes swiftly
To those who seek it
Who ask
Without a tremor in their voice
And me, I thought I had no choice
But to take it
I grew up I learned to fake it
Until I saw the semen in the food and in the blood
And my mind it did flood
Drowning not just in his fist
But in my own dreams
I woke up- my insides were spilling from my torn seams

This big daddy doctor
He prescribed me a dose of denial
He had me stand trial
And I stood not plaintiff, but defendant.
The justification of his deeds became my punishment

I was a woman as a child and grew up into a girl.
I still sometimes forget how to be in this man’s world
Taught me what life was really about-
And teach, he did with ease
I sought the sadists I sniffed them out
Them, I was trained to please
Until I stood thick with lies and sex
And I still shudder when he breathes
I used to blame the blood on him
Now I mother this disease
He already took so much too much
I’ll be damned if he takes me!

And my dreams- still held tight
In my fist -knuckles white-

Still bloodied at the seams

Roneisha

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